Building a relationship with a horse is an incredibly rewarding experience. It requires not only our physical presence, but also an understanding and application of "feel." Feel is a term commonly used to describe the subtle, often intangible connection that exists between a horse and a human. It’s about more than just touch; it's about intuition, empathy, and being present in the moment with the horse. Feel goes beyond words, reins, or cues, it’s about understanding the horse's emotions, movements, and responses, and knowing how to respond in a way that is gentle, respectful, and effective. Learning to be open to horses through feel can transform our interactions and create a deep, trusting bond.
For some, feel comes naturally, but for others, it requires practice and mindfulness. It’s not something we can learn from a book or the internet alone; it must be experienced and developed through consistent interaction with horses. It doesn’t matter how perfectly we use a training method, or how good that method is, without feel it will never deliver the results we want. It’s not what we do, it’s how we do it.
The first step to developing feel is to be fully present when we are with a horse. In the present moment, we can feel the slightest movement or change of energy in our horse. Horses are incredibly intuitive animals and can sense our emotions, tension, and focus. Before approaching a horse, we can take a moment to clear our minds, focus on our breathing, and centre ourselves. When we’re calm and focused, our horse is more likely to be at ease and open to connecting with us.
As horses are highly sensitive to non-verbal communication, we need to pay attention to our body language. Standing with a relaxed posture, making soft eye contact, and approaching the horse with gentle, deliberate movements all help. In our interactions, we want our bodies to follow theirs, and their bodies to follow ours, both on the ground and in the saddle. All communication must be two ways. By being aware of our own presence, we can create a calming influence that will help our horses feel safe and comfortable.
When working with a horse, whether we’re grooming, leading, or riding, our hands are one of the primary ways we communicate. However, feel isn’t just about physical touch, it’s about what our touch conveys. We need to listen with our hands and hearts, by practicing using our hands gently, with softness and intention, rather than force. An instructor of mine used to say, ‘put love in your hands.’ When we touch or guide a horse, we can think of it as a conversation. Our touch should be a request, not a demand. What is our touch saying? Do we want to give something? Get something? Or just be with them? Our bodies, minds and hearts need to be open to those of the horse. When we place a hand on a horse, there’s no me and you, only us. We need to dissolve our ‘ego,’ our sense of self, to completely connect with the horse and feel them.
Our hearts also play a crucial role in developing feel. Horses are incredibly perceptive and can sense our emotional state. Approaching each interaction with kindness, patience, and empathy develops trust. If we’re feeling frustrated or anxious, it’s better to take a step back and centre ourselves before continuing. Horses respond best when they sense a calm, confident, and compassionate presence.
Developing feel requires keen observation. Every horse is an individual with their own personality, preferences, and emotions. Spending time simply watching our horses, we observe their body language, expressions, and behaviours. We notice how they react to different situations, people, and other animals. This helps us understand what makes our horses feel comfortable and what may cause anxiety or tension. And most importantly, how do our actions influence their behaviour?
Developing feel with horses is not something that happens overnight. It requires patience, practice, and a willingness to learn from both successes and mistakes. Consistency is key, by consistently applying feel in our interactions, we will build trust and deepen our connection with our horses. Horses are sensitive to our energy, if we rush or are impatient, they will pick up on it. We need to take our time, be patient, and allow the relationship to develop at its own pace. Over time, our feel will become more refined, and our horses will respond with increased trust and willingness.
Horses are naturally drawn to those who respect their space, understand their needs, and communicate with empathy and clarity. By cultivating feel, we not only improve our ability to work with horses, but also enhance the overall experience, making it more rewarding for both us and the horse. Feel is a journey, not a destination. As we continue to develop this skill, we’ll find that our relationship with horses becomes more harmonious, intuitive, and fulfilling. The bond we create through feel is one of mutual respect, trust, and understanding, qualities that lie at the heart of any true partnership with a horse.
Suzy Maloney B.Eq.Sc.Dip.Couns.
Happy Horses Bitless
Considerate Horsemanship
Email: suzy@happyhorsesbitless.com
Lismore, NSW, Australia
Ph: 0401 249 263
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